Backward Read online

  “What is it?” Harry asked.

  “Nothing. I know Eddie’s a jackass.”

  “But you keep wondering what you did to make him that way?” Harry suggested.

  Tristan shook his head. “More like how I could fall for a guy like that.”

  “If you add enough cologne to a pile of crap, you can make it smell good. People like Eddie are great at creating an illusion. It’s how they get new customers and pull people into their lives. Most of the time they figure it out too late, and they can’t get away. You saw it and ended the relationship. The fact that he won’t let go isn’t your fault. It’s his problem. And for the record, there is nothing at all wrong with you.”

  “Yeah,” Tristan sighed. “It’s easy for other people to say. I keep thinking that if I’d figured out what he was earlier, I could have ended things, or better yet, not gotten involved at all. Now my ex is affecting all my friends. My roommate and I can’t even stay at our apartment because my ex might go postal on us if he knows where we live. I’m staying here because of your hospitality, and dealers are coming into the club because Eddie is sending them looking for me. So yeah, there’s nothing wrong with me at all. Eddie’s after me because I’m too fucking cute to resist.” He rolled his eyes dramatically and set down his fork. Suddenly he wasn’t very hungry.

  “You are cute… well, cute isn’t exactly the term I would have used, but it works. You really are kind of cute.” Harry smiled at him.

  “The kiss of death. Who the hell wants to be cute?” Tristan made a face like he’d tasted something bad. “Hot and sexy are good. I’ll take striking, handsome, or even dashing if you want to get creative, but cute… that’s for bunnies and babies.”

  Harry laughed at him, and Tristan wanted to reach across the table and smack Harry good. He was making fun of him, Tristan just knew it.

  “I hate to tell you this, but you are kind of cute, especially when you’re angry and your cheeks and ears get all red.” Harry stopped chuckling, but Tristan’s anger and frustration didn’t dissipate. “There’s no need to get mad. Being cute is a good thing.”

  “Come on, it is not. And you know as well as I do that the way I look has nothing to do with why Eddie is after me.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Harry agreed. “Eddie’s after you because he thinks you’re his, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get what’s his back. I said it before: there’s nothing wrong with you. Plenty wrong with him, though. You can try to be funny about it all you like. But the truth of it is that Eddie showed you only what he wanted you to see until he had you in his sphere. Then when he thought he had you under his control, he showed his true colors.” Harry stared intently at him. “It takes a strong person to walk away.”

  “I’m not sure how strong I was. More like scared to death. The guys and Bull would have killed me if I’d continued going out with Eddie once I found out what he was. Heck, Zach would probably have skinned me alive.” Tristan paused and took a deep breath. “It was my friends who saved me, because I knew they would be there for me.”

  Harry stood up, and Tristan wondered what was going on. He walked around the table and pulled out the chair next to him. “Why is it you won’t give yourself credit? Leaving Eddie was something you did on your own. You realized he wasn’t the guy for you and got the hell out. That was strong and smart. Two characteristics I find very attractive… and cute.”

  Tristan groaned, but before he could protest, Harry moved closer. He gently cupped Tristan’s chin in his warm hand. Tristan met Harry’s gaze and stared. Tristan swallowed hard, afraid to move and hoping Harry would finish what he’d started. Nothing had really happened, and yet Tristan could already feel this current of energy passing between them. His heart pounded with it, and his mouth went dry.

  Harry stilled as well. Tristan wondered if he was going to move closer. Was Harry going to kiss him? The tension between them was almost overwhelming, and he needed it to end one way or another. Harry closed the distance between them. Tristan’s eyes drifted shut. Harry’s lips touched his.

  The entire world stopped for a few seconds when Harry kissed him. The touch of his lips was like nothing Tristan had ever felt in his life—soft and firm, hot and yet fresh. He loved it and was afraid to move in case Harry stopped.

  He didn’t. Harry deepened the kiss, tilting his head slightly to the side. Tristan gasped and then moaned softly as Harry lightly ran his tongue around the edge of his lips. The gentleness and care was something he wasn’t used to at times like these. Most of the men he’d been with took what they wanted, and any invitation was met with power and quick action. Tristan parted his lips, and Harry moved gently, deepening the kiss. Tristan prepared for it to go further, but Harry backed away, sucking lightly on his lower lip before ending the kiss.

  Tristan quivered with excitement and sucked in a quick breath, meeting Harry’s gaze. “You kissed me.”

  “Yes.”

  “I liked it,” Tristan admitted.

  “I could tell,” Harry whispered and smiled.

  “Good.” Tristan put his arms around Harry’s neck and drew him close once more. Harry’s kisses were like potato chips—there was no way to stop at one. Not that Harry seemed to mind in the least. He wrapped his arms around Tristan, holding him close as they kissed again, this time with even more intensity. There was power in the way Harry held him and the desire Tristan could feel held at bay. That alone was attractive as hell. “Why are you holding back?”

  Harry stilled. “Because I don’t know if you’re ready.”

  “For what?” Tristan pressed.

  Harry stood, bringing him along with him. Tristan’s knees nearly buckled as Harry pressed against him, chest to chest. Tristan’s heart pounded hard. He wanted this so badly, and as soon as Harry’s lips touched his, Tristan’s doubts flew from his head like a bird in flight. Harry cupped the back of his head, holding him still. Tristan looked into Harry’s intensely deep eyes, swirling with passion and desire. Harry wanted him. He could feel that from the bulge pressed against his hip. He also knew it from the way Harry held him.

  “Are you sure?” Harry asked.

  “Yes.”

  Harry drew his head back slightly, leaned forward, and took possession of his mouth. He was power and care rolled into one, giving what Tristan needed and taking only what Tristan was willing to give. That balance rocked Tristan’s world. He knew he wanted and needed someone strong in his life, but he also wanted a man who wouldn’t take advantage or try to overpower him. Others had done that. Tristan moaned softly into Harry’s mouth. He held his head still, not fighting Harry at all, letting him take charge, wanting him too.

  “Where is the fire?” Harry whispered.

  Tristan opened his eyes. “What fire are you talking about?”

  “The one that poured water on Eddie? I know you have it. Don’t put it out because you’re nervous or unsure of yourself. Let me see it. I want it to burn for me.” Harry paused and didn’t move. “I’d hoped you felt that fire for me.” Harry stared in his eyes and then slowly relaxed his hold and stepped back.

  “I don’t understand,” Tristan said, looking down and wishing he could crawl through the floor. If Harry wasn’t interested in him, then why had he kissed him and gotten him excited like that? Was it a trick, a joke? Was he just playing with him? “Was that some kind of test or something to see if I’m like those guys at the club?” Tristan asked loudly. “I’m not like that, not anymore.” He wrapped his arms around himself and leaned forward. “Maybe I should have known. I saw you leave with all kinds of guys. Well, I’m not one of them.” His voice got harder and louder as his rage built. “That fucker Eddie used me, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let someone else use me too. I thought you might care. You looked at me like you cared, but you’re just like all the rest. I’m young and only a waiter, so what the hell, I must be dumb and an easy lay!” Tristan turned away.

  “See? You do have fire,” Harry said.

  Tristan whirl
ed around. “Well, fuck you! If this is a game, I’m not playing anymore.” He left the room, heading for the bathroom to get his things. He figured he’d call Zach or someone, anyone, to pick him up. He could sleep on a sofa or something.

  Harry placed his hand on his shoulder and spun him around. Before Tristan realized what was happening, he was held tight and kissed within an inch of his life. He tried to pull away for a second, but Harry kissed him deeper, harder, and Tristan’s heart raced, pounding in his ears. After a few seconds, he pulled back. “Was this some kind of test?” He smacked Harry on the shoulder.

  “No. I just wanted you to find your fire. I’ve seen it at the club a lot. And I wanted you to have it.” Harry kissed him again. “You are worth it, and you are perfect.” Harry kissed him again, harder this time, taking Tristan’s breath away. When he pulled back, he smoothed Tristan’s hair out of his eyes. “I’ve watched you at the club for months, ever since you and your friends first started coming. I saw you dance and….” Harry ran his fingers through Tristan’s floppy curls. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

  “But…,” Tristan prompted, feeling it coming. There always seemed to be a “but” in there somewhere.

  “Eddie snuffed out something inside you, and I want it back. I hoped he hadn’t killed it forever, and he hasn’t.” Harry smiled and then kissed him.

  “What, you like it when I get angry? Because I can get hellaciously mad at you.” Tristan narrowed his eyes slightly. Sometimes other men confused him completely.

  “Not angry. Fired up,” Harry clarified and nuzzled Tristan’s neck. “I love the way you smell.” He inhaled deeply and then licked just about the base of Tristan’s neck. Tristan stretched and leaned his head to the side to give him better access. “And I love the fire inside you.”

  No one had ever said that to him before. The guys he’d dated, especially Eddie, had done their best to douse that fire, and he’d fucking let them.

  “Don’t ever give up part of yourself for a guy… for anyone, ever,” Harry said. “Not for me or for anyone else.”

  Tristan mewled as Harry licked along his jaw and then kissed him hard, lifting him off the floor. Tristan needed to steady himself, and with Harry’s guidance, he wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist. Harry wrapped one arm around his back and supported him with the other, palming one of his buttcheeks. Damn, it was hot to have someone touch him like that again: strong, firm, and yet caring.

  “Tristan,” Harry whispered. “I think we….”

  “What? You don’t want this?”

  “I didn’t say that. I was going to ask if you wanted more to eat, because if we keep going like this, I’m going to take you upstairs, and I don’t think we’ll be done for quite a while.”

  Tristan couldn’t believe Harry was talking about food at a time like this. He held on tighter, gripping Harry with his thighs. Harry released him and set him back on his feet. Then he turned and quickly put the food away. His movements looked so normal Tristan wondered what the hell was wrong. Had he done something?

  “I need to make sure everything is put away, or Butterscotch will eat it and get sick,” Harry explained as he closed the refrigerator door and turned off the light. Then he took Tristan’s hand. He led him toward the stairs and opened the door to the porch. Butterscotch zoomed out and toward the kitchen. Harry led Tristan up the stairs and into his bedroom, then closed the door. He pulled Tristan to him.

  Tristan held still and waited to see what Harry had in mind. Harry stroked his cheek and outlined Tristan’s lips with his finger. Tristan locked his gaze onto Harry’s, and Harry moved closer, parting his lips before kissing him. This time it was full-on, openmouthed. He sucked on Tristan’s lips, cradling his head and practically devouring him. Tristan loved every second of it. When Harry sucked on his tongue, Tristan moaned, and when Harry thrust his tongue forward, taking his mouth, Tristan groaned loudly. Damn, that was hot.

  Harry pressed Tristan back slowly until the back of his legs hit the mattress. Then Harry kissed him down onto the bed, settling his weight on top of him. Tristan held on to Harry, hoping this didn’t end.

  Chapter 3

  TRISTAN QUIVERED beneath him, and God, he loved how that felt. Harry had watched him in the club, but just when he’d gotten up the nerve to approach him, Tristan had started dating Eddie. Harry had too much integrity to horn in, so he backed off and watched as Eddie eventually broke Tristan’s heart and tore his world apart. After all that waiting, to find out that Tristan was interested in him in return was almost too much.

  Now, for the first time, he had Tristan in his bed, and he intended to make the very most of it. He slipped his hand beneath Tristan’s shirt, stroking his smooth skin. Tristan’s muscles fluttered beneath his touch, and he listened to his tiny gasps and his little breath hitches.

  “Harry,” Tristan whispered, and Harry stilled his hand, resting it over Tristan’s nipple. “Is this a… you know… a one… is this like those guys from the club?”

  Harry had to let the words and hesitation sink in through his lust-addled mind. Then it hit him, and he widened his eyes. “Are you asking if this is a one-night stand? Is that what you want?” He finally had Tristan with him, but if all he was interested in was sex…. That had never crossed Harry’s mind. He should have considered that. Maybe Tristan wasn’t ready for anything more. Harry had always thought of Tristan as boyfriend material, but what if that wasn’t what he wanted? Some of the excitement that had been building melted away.

  “No,” Tristan said, and Harry shook his head, not understanding for a split second because he was so deep in his own worry. “I don’t want that, but I’ve seen you go home with the guys at the club, and I know that some guys… that’s what they like.” Tristan was near tears for some reason, so Harry rolled off him, settled on the bed, and tugged Tristan to him. “I thought you might be like that. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or….”

  Harry let Tristan get it all out. He realized this was not about him; all the pressure and the crap with Eddie had finally gotten to him. “You didn’t,” Harry whispered. “I did go home with those boys… but I’ll let you in on a secret. I kept hoping one of them would turn out to be you.” Harry wiped Tristan’s curls from his eyes. “I watched you with your friends, and then that asshole Eddie stopped in. I never thought you’d go for me, so I stayed back, and then it was too late. So I saw other guys, hoping one of them would have your spark, but none of them did. So I kept looking.” Harry waited for Tristan to relax and simply held him. Maybe sex wasn’t what was needed right now. Not that he didn’t want it, but for Tristan, maybe simple reassurance and concern were more important.

  “I’m sorry,” Tristan whispered and then sniffed slightly.

  “Hey,” Harry told him, lightly touching Tristan’s chin. “There’s nothing to feel sorry for.”

  “But….”

  “No buts. You’ve been through a lot, and maybe sex wasn’t the greatest idea right now.”

  “But I like you, and…,” Tristan protested.

  “Sometimes there are more important things than sex.”

  Tristan scoffed and rolled his eyes.

  It was so cute that Harry grinned. “I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you. I’m saying that at this moment, maybe comfort and understanding are more important than doing the horizontal hula.”

  Tristan chuckled, which was what Harry had hoped for. “I don’t want to disappoint you.” Tristan shifted away from him.

  “Hey. You haven’t disappointed me. There’s plenty of time, and we don’t have to do anything today.” Harry took Tristan’s hand.

  “I thought you liked me,” Tristan said.

  Harry paused. “I do, and you need to believe that. But having sex is only part of the picture. It isn’t going to suddenly make things perfect or make everything that’s been happening with Eddie go away.” Harry thought he might be seeing a pattern. “Sex is great, and it should be special, but….”

 
“But it will make me feel better for a while. I’ll be able to forget.”

  Harry nodded. “You will, but only for a while. Sex should be special for both of us. Not something we do to forget or push away what we don’t want to think about.” Jesus, was Tristan only interested in him because he’d help him forget?

  “I know. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “You were being honest, and yeah, sex would have been fun, and it would have made you feel better. But then once it was over, all the crap with Eddie would be back, and nothing would have changed except we would have had sex.” Harry had done plenty of that. It had been fun during, but then he couldn’t get away fast enough. The guys he’d been with hadn’t meant much to him other than a few hours of fun. They were nice guys, and he hadn’t hurt anyone, but there had been no real connection with any of them. “I’ve done that quite a bit, I’ll admit that. But that is not what I want with you.”

  “You don’t?” Tristan asked.

  Harry shrugged. “It was fun, but nothing more.”

  “Well, what if I’m not as much fun as they were?” Tristan sniffed again and blinked rapidly.

  “Hey. That’s not what I want from you. They were fun. I want passion and intensity. I want an emotional connection.” Dammit, he wanted it all, and he needed to figure out a way to communicate that to Tristan without sounding dumb or like he was only trying to get in his pants. That wasn’t it at all, but Tristan seemed to have been hurt so badly that was all he thought he was worth.

  “But….”

  “Honey,” Harry began, “don’t worry so much. Everything is fine.”

  “So you don’t want me,” Tristan said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

  “Hey, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. That’s why I stopped. It has to be right and good. Rushing isn’t going to make that happen.” This conversation was starting to make his head spin. “I’m not rejecting you. I want to make sure I’m doing right by you. Can you understand that?” Tristan nodded, but Harry wasn’t convinced he truly got it. “I’m saying I want to take some time. I want to make sure I get to know you. You’re special—too special to rush.”