Survive and Conquer Read online

  “I don’t know if I can,” Newton whispered. “Everything that happened is so fresh and alive in my head again. They always say that talking about things makes them better, but that’s bullshit.”

  Chase tugged Newton a little closer, pressing his chest to his back, cradling his butt at his hips. “You can go to sleep. I’m here, and I won’t let anything happen to you. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s real. Just let it go and be safe. Don’t hold on to what happened—release it as best you can. What stays inside grows and festers like a wound. But if you let it go, then it can heal.”

  That was advice he needed to take for himself. But now wasn’t the time for him to share his story. Soon, though… the time was coming.

  He was warm and comfortable, lying still so he didn’t disturb Newton, even though he was fairly certain that Newton wasn’t asleep yet. “Have you closed your eyes at all?”

  “No,” Newton whispered, then slowly rolled over. “I thought…. No, I should have known I wasn’t going to be able to sleep.”

  Chase pushed back the covers. “Is there a robe?”

  “On the back of the closet door,” Newton answered.

  Chase got it and put it on, then went as quietly as he could down the stairs and into the living room. He found what he was looking for and brought up the DVD, placed it in the player, and turned on the television.

  “What is this?”

  “In your collection down there, I found a copy of The Wedding Date.” He grinned, and Newton pulled the covers over his head.

  “Jolene gave that to me and told me I needed to watch it. That it was funny, and might give me a few ideas about romance and getting my butt off the sofa and into someone’s arms. There are a bunch of them that she foisted on me over the years. I didn’t have the heart to just throw them away, so I put them in the back of the cabinet.”

  Chase started the movie and got back in bed. “This is cute, and after the bathroom scene, we can turn it off, I promise.” He grinned and settled in the bed, gathering Newton in his arms. Chase really hadn’t cared what movie he picked as long as it was light and fluffy. He figured Newton needed something different and not serious, to have a place in his head to help banish the darkness he’d allowed to run free for a while. This one really fit the bill, and soon after the bathroom scene, where they got a glimpse of gorgeous bare man butt, Newton was asleep, and Chase used the remote to turn everything off and went to sleep himself.

  “DADDY!” ROSIE stood at his side of the bed, and she gasped when Chase rolled over to blink at her.

  He put his fingers to his lips. “He’s still asleep, and your daddy is really tired. Is your brother up yet?” Chase blinked when he saw it was after six in the morning.

  She shook her head as she put her fingers to her own lips. “Did you and Daddy have a sleepover?”

  “Sort of, yes.” He wondered how he was going to get her to leave the room. “It’s really early. You should go back to bed for a while. Do you think you can do that?” There was always hope, but Rosie looked as bright-eyed and awake as she always did, which meant she was full of energy and ready to go.

  “Okay. I’ll go play with my dollies.” She left the room, and Newton snickered and moaned softly before rolling over.

  “You’re playing possum, aren’t you?” Chase asked lightly, and Newton groaned but smiled.

  “How do you think I get any sleep at all? They come in here every Saturday and Sunday at godawful in the morning, so I pretend to be asleep, and they amuse themselves for a while if I’m lucky.” He burrowed deeper under the covers.

  “Is your foot any better?” Chase asked, hoping the quiet lasted for a while longer. His body was plenty awake, being this close to Newton, and he willed it to last. Chase didn’t have any illusions that there would be time for them to be together right now, but it was nice just being close.

  “Yes.” Newton scooted closer. “I’m going to try to stay off it today and see if it won’t improve. But Eric and Rosie often have other ideas. There are also some calls I need to make for work. I have appointments in the field tomorrow, and I want to make sure they remember that I’m coming.” He sighed breathily. “The house is still quiet, and whatever you did with Rosie seemed to work.”

  “Daddy!” Rosie called from across the hall.

  “Spoke too soon.” Newton pushed back the covers and slowly got out of bed. “The day is calling. Hopefully I can get her to lie back down again, but I doubt it.” He scrubbed his fingers through his hair, sending the strands into a wild configuration. Albert Einstein had nothing on Newton’s morning hair.

  While Newton was gone, Chase slipped out of the bed and figured he should get dressed before the kids were up and about. He grabbed his bag and headed for the bathroom, where he cleaned up and pulled on his clothes, yawning as he shaved. It was a Sunday, and he was supposed to be able to sleep in, at least for a little while. Chase suspected this was a normal thing with the kids around.

  “Eric, you need to eat and get something to drink,” Newton said, concern ringing in his voice as it drifted in from across the hall.

  Chase heard Newton and the kids going downstairs and the refrigerator door opening as he came down as well. Chase sat on the sofa, letting Newton take care of what he needed to, barely awake and desperately craving coffee.

  “You’re going to be fine, but you need to get some fluids in you, and this is the best way.”

  “Okay…,” Eric groaned, but seemed to be doing what Newton wanted.

  Chase grabbed his small laptop out of his bag and logged in to the system at work, figuring he’d check his messages for a few minutes. He answered some emails and sighed as his difficult client left three more voicemails while he worked. Regardless of how much Chase told them the case was most likely futile, they were determined to go forward. Milton had just shaken his head during their last meeting and seemed willing to do what they wanted as long as they were willing to pay the billable hours. Chase put the issue out of his head for the time being and closed his laptop when Rosie plopped on the sofa next to him in her pink nightgown covered in white and yellow flowers.

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Yes. I had dreams.” She went on to tell him all about the unicorn and bunnies that had played in her sleep.

  “Can you draw them?” Chase asked. Rosie raced away and returned with crayons and paper, setting up a drawing shop on the coffee table. Chase closed his eyes and only opened them again when Newton sat next to him, leaning against his shoulder.

  “I’m so tired,” he whispered. “Eric went upstairs to get dressed. Rosie, you should too.”

  She looked up from her drawing and hurried away. “I’ll finish that when I get back.”

  “She’s a doll, even in the mornings.” Chase picked up his laptop once again and tried to finish what he was working on.

  Newton kissed him on the cheek and said he was going to go upstairs to dress, but when he got done, he’d make breakfast.

  “We can do it together,” Chase offered. Newton nodded and then turned. Chase watched Newton go, worrying about his foot and reminding himself to check it once he could get Newton to sit down.

  Chase growled under his breath as he returned to the brief he was writing. The outline of his case was driving him crazy. He hated the arguments he was having to use because all he had to go on at the moment was the information from his clients. Basically, his case was a fishing expedition of motions and as much evidence as he could get to back them up. Still, if there was truth to what they were saying, then maybe the boy was better off with them. Chase hated cases like this, where he didn’t have a clear sense of what was right. He had gone into family law because he wanted to help families, not tear them apart, and to him, this case didn’t pass the smell test.

  “Are you getting hungry?” Newton asked. Chase hadn’t even heard him return, he’d been so far down this awful rabbit hole. He saved the document and locked his laptop, then joined Newton in the kitchen.

&
nbsp; “What does everyone want?”

  “Oatmeal with bananas,” Rosie said.

  “French toast,” Eric said right behind her. “Or pancakes. Not oatmeal.” He made a face.

  “Okay. Is there something you can both agree on for me? I like eggs with stuff in it,” Chase suggested.

  “What kind of stuff?” Rosie asked skeptically.

  Chase turned to Newton for a little help.

  “Let me see,” Newton said, pulling open the refrigerator door. “I have ham, and some onion, peppers, maybe some cheese.”

  “No onions or peppers,” Rosie said, and Eric agreed. It seemed they could agree on something, so Chase got to work.

  “I definitely want peppers and onions in mine,” Newton said, getting out the juice.

  “Sit down. I’ll take care of it.” Chase pulled out a chair for Newton and didn’t stop fussing until he sat.

  “Mr. Chase likes you,” Rosie said.

  Newton hugged her. “Why do you say that?”

  Chase broke some eggs, listening to them talk.

  “Because he held the chair for you. Gramma told me that when a boy likes you, he holds out your chair because its p’lice.”

  “Polite,” Eric corrected. “And Gramma told me the same thing. She said it was nice. But I thought it was because she was old and the chairs were heavy.”

  Chase bit his lower lip to keep from laughing. Sometimes kids said the strangest things and were incredibly observant.

  Chase did like Newton. He was different from anyone he’d ever met: strong, yet weak, patient with his kids, and impatient with the system he worked under, caring, and yet protective and not willing to take a bunch of bullshit. He was perfectly imperfect, and Chase liked that, because Lord knows he had enough imperfections himself.

  With the eggs prepped, he chopped the ham, onions, and peppers while Newton told the kids a story about Amanda Aardvark.

  “And she and her daddy, Andy Aardvark, went to get ice cream.”

  “Yeah, ant ice cream,” Eric interjected.

  “No, chocolate,” Rosie countered. “Ant ice cream would be yucky.” She stuck her tongue out, and Newton scolded her for doing it and then did the same to Eric for purposely upsetting his sister.

  Chase got the pan hot and started the eggs for the kids, then found some bread and put it in the toaster. This entire scene seemed so domestic and normal, yet everything else in his life was so different from this. He hadn’t had normal or domestic life in a long time. He got the eggs cooking and buttered the toast when it popped up. Eric was good enough to set the table, and once the eggs and toast were done, Chase served them all and took the empty place at the table.

  “Is it good?” he asked Rosie. “I don’t cook very often.”

  She smiled around a mouthful. “Good. It’s good.”

  Eric seemed to agree, and from the way Newton was wolfing down his eggs, Chase would say they were a hit.

  “Better than Daddy’s.”

  “Yeah. He makes awful eggs,” Eric chimed in.

  Newton put his hand over his heart, pretending to be mortally wounded. “You can cook any time you want.”

  “Daddy makes good chicken nuggets,” Rosie said, defending her daddy, and Newton hugged her.

  “It’s okay. I always consider it a win if I don’t poison anyone.” Newton finished his eggs, and when Chase gave him the last from the pan, Newton ate those as well. “Do you need to work?”

  “No. I got done most of what I needed to yesterday and some this morning while you were upstairs.” Chase checked the time, wondering if he should get out of Newton’s hair. Newton had his hands full enough with Rosie and Eric and didn’t need him hanging around.

  A crack sounded from outside, followed by a deep rumble. Rosie practically leaped onto Newton’s lap, holding him tightly.

  “Rosie doesn’t like storms,” Eric explained. He got off his chair and ran to the front window. “Hey. Dad, it’s raining really hard.”

  “Okay. Why don’t we have a movie fun day? You two pick out a movie, and you can both watch it.” Newton squeezed Rosie, who nodded but didn’t seem in any hurry to let go of her daddy.

  “It’s okay, honey. The noise is just noise.”

  She lifted her head, eyes meeting his. “The lightning causes the thunder. What if it comes and we all get ’lectrocuted?”

  “We’re all going to be okay. I promise you. The house will take the lightning before it gets to you. So there’s nothing to worry about,” Chase told her. “I used to be afraid of storms too. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll read you a story about storms and thunder. It’s called Rip Van Winkle. My mom used to read it to me, and I’ll read it to you.”

  “The rain is letting up,” Eric reported, “but the phone radar says more is coming.”

  “He’s my little meteorologist,” Newton explained. “Why don’t you two go choose a movie together? And no fighting. I’ll do the dishes.” Newton got up, using his cane, and winced.

  Chase helped him sit back down and loaded the dishwasher. Then he got Newton in the living room with his shoes off and foot up. He looked over his feet, which were a little red, but nothing alarming as far as Chase could tell. The swelling had gone down at least.

  “I REALLY should go home,” Chase said after lunch, at least three movies, and enough popcorn that he swore it was coming out his ears.

  Rosie and Eric put in another movie, and Newton saw him to the door after he’d made sure he had everything in his bag.

  “I had a great time.”

  “I know it wasn’t what you had expected, and I’m sorry for that. It….” Newton was getting off on an explanatory jag that wasn’t necessary, so Chase kissed him, tugging the man closer.

  “I had a great time just as things were. There’s no rush for the other stuff. It will happen when the time is right.” Chase kissed him again. “The kids are wonderful, you’re amazing, and you all made me feel like I was part of a real family again.” He tried to keep the roughness out of his voice, but it was definitely time for him to go. Chase could really get used to all of this, and that was the danger. “I’ll talk to you this week.” He smiled and left the house, dodging puddles on his way to his car.

  HIS GOOD mood lasted until he got home, and then the doubts kicked in. Chase paced the house for a long while, trying to allay his fears, but they wouldn’t abate. He had to do something. He hunted up his phone and called the one person he thought could help. He only hoped she was available.

  “Hi, Mom,” he said when she answered. Chase had half expected to just be leaving a message.

  “What’s going on? Tough case? You sound awful.” Hattie Matthews was never one to mince words. There were multiple voices in the background.

  “I have a case that I feel like I’m on the wrong side of.” Maybe that was part of what was bothering him, but it wasn’t all of it.

  “Give me a minute,” she said as Chase was about to tell her that they could talk later. “I’m at a fund-raiser thrown by Costas’s firm, and they are as interesting as a drippy faucet.” The last part was whispered as the background noise dropped away. “All right, that’s better. Now what about this case?”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it other than to say that if I win, I could be putting a kid back in the path of his abuser.” The thought turned his stomach.

  “I see,” she said, then grew quiet. He could tell she was waiting for more. “You’ve had difficult cases before, and you always handle them. So, what’s different this time?”

  Chase sighed. “I’m seeing someone, and he’s really special and I like him a lot. The man has guts in spades. He’s with child services, and he fights for kids and families like a tiger.” Now that he’d started, it was best to plow ahead. “He has two kids, Eric and Rosie. Eric has health issues, and I had to help Newton take him to the hospital once. Rosie has vision issues and wears glasses. I swear she has me wrapped around her little finger already.”

  “Ahhh… I understan
d.” He knew she would.

  “Yeah.” It was his greatest fear, the one he didn’t want to give a name to. “What do I do?” His hand shook a little. “What if I turn out… like him.” He spat the pronoun like it was an unspeakable curse word.

  “Aww, honey.” He could almost imagine her in the room with him when she used that tone, comforting him and telling him that everything was going to be all right. “You are your own person, and you make your own decisions. The fact that you asked the question and are worried about that happening means it’s very unlikely to.”

  “But…,” he protested. It was part of what he had feared for years.

  “There are no buts about it. You worry about being on the wrong side of cases with children. Just be yourself and don’t worry about what happened. You aren’t him, and you never will be.” If she were with him, he had no doubt that she’d be hugging him right now. “Honey, I have to go back. I’m getting the evil eye from one of the other wives. But just be happy and try to let the rest go.” She hung up, and Chase put his phone away, feeling a little better and hoping she was right.

  MILTON MET Chase in his office on his way back from one of his Monday morning meetings. He went inside and closed the door. “Where are we with the Anderson case?”

  “I have all the motions prepared, and I’m going to file them with the court when I’m there tomorrow. I thought I would hand deliver them to the clerk so there are no mix-ups. Then we’ll have to see how the judge rules. I have made them as tight and compelling as I can.” He did his best not to let his own feelings about this entire matter show on his face.

  Milton sat down but didn’t get comfortable. “We’re lawyers, and there are times that we have to take cases and sides that we don’t like or agree with. It’s part of the job. But sometimes there are cases that we’re just not able to take. If you had your own shingle, you could pick and choose the cases you wanted. And that’s what a lot of lawyers do. In a firm like this, the partners are the ones who make those decisions, and that can be frustrating.”