Heartward Read online

  “Yes, I know. But he’s only playing. And you and I have talked about biting. It isn’t nice and could hurt someone. You really don’t want to hurt Grampy, do you?”

  Abey’s eyes got watery, and Tyler held him closer, rocking slowly back and forth. Abey knew he had been wrong, and there was no need for him to yell. Abey was really smart and understood a lot of things. It just took engaging with him directly. If Tyler yelled, he either tuned him out or tended to panic and get scared like he had during the thunderstorm.

  “Did you like your dinner? Can you say thank you to Grandma?”

  Abey nodded. “Fank you,” he said softly, and Tyler hugged him again.

  “That’s a very good boy. Grandma has dinner for me and Grampy ready. Do you want to sit on my lap?” Tyler asked, and Abey nodded.

  His mother called his dad, and the four of them sat down. Abey had a few more bites of the pot pie his mom had made, then cuddled right to him and sat quietly on his lap.

  “Are you okay?” his mother asked as Tyler dabbed his eyes, his father eating and paying little attention.

  “It’s just rare for him not to eat when food is right in front of him.” He hoped it was a sign that he was healing in his head as well as his little body. The doctors had said that he was healthy, but the long-term effects of childhood starvation were something Tyler thought about quite a bit.

  “He’s full, the sweet dear. Are you going to go to the furniture store to look at what he got in tonight? You can leave Abey here and pick him up later.”

  “I’m going to go, but I’ll take him with me. He isn’t going to sleep very long, and then I can take him right home.” Tyler yawned and tried to cover it. “Thanks, though, Mom. You and Dad should have a quiet evening.” Tyler finished his dinner, and Abey woke just as he took the last bite. Tyler took his dishes to the sink, thanked his mom once again, and left the house. He drove to Alan’s store a little faster than he should have, but he was excited, and not just about furniture.

  “We’re going to be nice to Mr. Alan,” he told Abey after parking the car and getting him out of the car seat.

  Abey squirmed to get down but held his hand as they walked into the store. Then Abey took off toward where his bed had been, looking around for it.

  “That’s your bed now, at home, remember?” Alan asked as he crouched next to Abey. “You and your dad bought it, and now it’s in your room.”

  Abey still seemed disappointed but thankfully didn’t fuss.

  “Mom said you called,” Tyler said as he drew Abey back to where Alan waited.

  “Yeah. I got in this piece from the same people that your chairs came from. I thought you might like it, so I held it back for you.”

  “It’s perfect,” Tyler said, taking one look at it. The sofa had the same basic design as the rest of the furniture, but with slightly different leather, and the cushions were large enough to be comfortable. “When can you deliver it? Like, after work? Abey and I can make you dinner.” He smiled and hoped he was being cool enough, even though his heart pounded a mile a minute.

  “That would be great,” Alan said with a grin. “The truck had an issue and I’m having it fixed. Is Wednesday okay? Marcie is working until close, so I can get the truck loaded and be there about six.”

  “That’s fine,” Tyler said. “Is that okay with you, Abey? Can you and I cook for Mr. Alan next week?” He lifted Abey up and bounced him slightly to run out some of the energy that coursed through him. This was a date, he was sure of it, and the thought got his mind and body racing. “Though I have to warn you that Abey will probably serve you chicken of some sort. It seems to be his very favorite thing in the whole world.”

  “I like chicken,” Alan said with a warm smile. “I’ll bring a salad or something to help out.” He seemed as excited as Tyler was, which was a change for him. Tyler usually was the guy who rushed in too quickly, so it was nice to see his attention returned.

  Abey squirmed, so Tyler let him down. Abey hurried over to the sofa and sort of threw himself up onto it, sitting in place with a grin. “It meets his seal of approval.”

  “That it does.”

  “How was your first day at work? I heard about Valerie Jacobs. I was downtown getting dinner, and it was all over. Her grandparents were there too, and they were singing your praises to everyone who would listen. It seems the paper is going to do an article about it, and they were interviewed.” Alan patted his shoulder. “Way to go, captain.”

  “The chief was pissed at me because I didn’t wait.”

  “Yeah, I heard that too.” Alan seemed kind of pleased. “That isn’t going over too well. I know you didn’t say anything, but someone let it be known just what the chief wanted to do.” Tyler half expected Alan to rub his hands together with glee.

  “I’m not always right, and not everything will go as well as that rescue did, but I’m glad that Valerie is okay and that I could help her.” Tyler picked up Abey, who had lain down on the sofa and seemed to be curling into a comfy ball.

  “See, that’s why we need you. The chief wants to look good more than he wants to help the people of the town.”

  “Well, I can tell you that the policies and procedures the department is following are at least fifteen years old, and the equipment is in need of updating too. I know there isn’t a lot of extra money, but there are improvements that could be made by updating processes and employing the latest techniques so that the men are being used efficiently. It’s as much training and support as anything else.” Tyler hoped he wasn’t stepping out of line, but the documentation he’d been given hadn’t been updated in a decade. That was frightening.

  Alan nodded, and Tyler could already see that his mind was churning. “It will take some time.”

  “Everything always seems to,” Tyler agreed as Abey reclined on his shoulder. “I’ve only been there a day, and it’s not really fair to judge things too quickly.”

  Alan nodded. “I think that’s very fair.”

  “Do you want to write up the sofa?” Tyler squirmed and managed to get his wallet out. He handed the credit card to Alan. “I’m on shift for much of the weekend, but I’m off after noon on Sunday. I wanted to take Abey to the park so he could play. Do you want to come with us? I’ll understand if an hour at the park watching a three-year-old play isn’t exactly your thing.”

  Abey shifted again, and Tyler put him down. He walked around the furniture and climbed back onto the sofa. It really seemed to be a hit.

  “That would be fun. I don’t have any plans.” Alan smiled, and his gaze grew more intense, sending a wave of heat through Tyler. “Maybe a picnic.”

  Tyler tugged at his collar as his body grew more heated. It had been a long time, maybe at the edges of his memory, since someone had sparked his interest the way Alan did, and to see it returned was almost a miracle. Tyler knew he had to take things slowly for his own sake as well as Abey’s, but the more he talked with Alan and the more he was around him, the more his interest grew.

  Tyler swallowed. “Yeah, that would be great. Abey, do you want to go on a picnic with Mr. Alan on Sunday?” he asked, not really expecting an answer, and what he found was Abey once again curled on the sofa, his head on the side cushion, his eyes closed.

  “What I wouldn’t give to be able to sleep like that,” Alan said. “I’ve had years of sleep issues, so a good night’s sleep is worth its weight in gold. And to go out like that, just so fast.”

  “I get you. I can sleep anywhere, almost any time. I think it comes with the fact that I spent so many nights in tents and other shelters that staying up to worry what might happen was just too much, so I went to sleep and would figure it out when I got up.” Sometimes an hour or two was all he would get, and to waste a second could mean the difference between life and death. “Is it a tension thing or an apnea sort of issue?” He didn’t want to spend all their time talking about himself.

  “I think it’s one of those things where my mind doesn’t want to shut off and pla
ys my day over and over again. I try to relax and don’t have a great deal of luck.” They both looked at Abey, who seemed just as comfortable as Tyler had ever seen him. “You’re really great with him. He’s a lucky kid.”

  “In so many ways, he is, and yet….” Tyler couldn’t help feeling for him and his family.

  “He is lucky. You’ll always be there for him.”

  “Yeah. In the end it worked out. And part of me is grateful that I have him in my life, I really am. But the cost to bring that about was horrendous. So I take my happiness with a grain of salt, and I remember that someone I never met had to endure a great deal of sadness and heartache in order for me to have him.” God, he was so maudlin. “Just ignore me. I get like this sometimes.”

  “You’ll have to tell me the story. I know you aren’t ready yet.”

  “It isn’t that. I don’t want to tell you in case it completely scares you off. My life hasn’t been pretty these last years. I’ve seen things that no one should ever have to see, and somehow you convince yourself and the people that you’re helping that everything is going to be all right.” His head ran in circles sometimes.

  Alan’s expression softened. “If you want to talk, I’ll listen.”

  Tyler nodded and blinked. Maybe Alan was right. He wasn’t ready to talk about all of it and reopen the box crammed full of the things he’d rather not verbalize, because then they’d become real all over again. It was easier just to keep that area of his brain locked away and closed. “Thanks.” The jitteriness was close to the surface, and he pushed it down. That had no place in him at all. His job required that he stay clearheaded and be able to think under pressure. Tyler was good at it, and he needed to get himself to that place now. “I’ll see you Wednesday, and thank you.” He went over and picked up Abey, gently settling him with Abey’s head resting on his shoulder.

  “Perfect. I’ll call before I come to make sure you’re home.” Alan walked them out, and Tyler said goodbye, not quite ready to leave and yet feeling better that he did. What a strange push/pull it was that he needed to figure out.

  Chapter 4

  “ARE YOU ready for your date?” Marcie teased for like the dozenth time that day. She filled her mug from the coffee pot and stood at the desk while Alan tried to work and failed. “You’ve had that truck loaded since this morning, and you keep watching the clock, looking as though you hope that somehow those hands are going to turn into a cheetah on steroids.”

  “Everything is fine, and I am not doing that.” He glared at her and forced his head back onto the task of updating the store’s books. “Besides, it isn’t a date. Tyler and Abey invited me for dinner because I’m delivering their furniture.”

  “I see. So, food is part of the delivery payment now? I wonder what Mrs. Broujos is going to have to pay when we deliver those chairs to her next week. Maybe I’ll make the run—she makes amazing baklava. Did you negotiate a batch of that as payment?” She tilted her eyebrows just so. “I didn’t think so. Face it, Tyler asked you out on a date.” She stepped back, shaking her head. “You aren’t going to wear that, are you?”

  Alan looked at his shirt and pants. “What’s wrong with it?”

  “Dark pants, white shirt—you look more like a Mormon missionary than a dinner guest for someone you’re interested in. And don’t bother to deny it. I see the big puppy-dog eyes every time you talk about him. Just admit it and get it over with. You like him.”

  Alan saved what he was working on and lifted his gaze from the computer screen, which apparently wasn’t going to come to life and pull him into it like Tron, no matter how much he might wish it in order to not have this conversation. “It doesn’t matter. Tyler is being nice. He has a little boy who has to be the center of his attention. I doubt the guy is interested in anything more.” He put his hand on the desk and sighed.

  “God, that was an angsty teenager huff if I ever heard one. What gives? You aren’t usually such a drama queen.” She leaned closer. “You must really like this guy if you’re acting like that. You were way cooler about the few other guys you dated than you’re being now.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I like or what I might want. Tyler and I were shits to each other in high school, and that’s something you don’t just get over….”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. I was a shit to everyone in high school, including my friends. If I stopped being friends with everyone I was catty or mean to, I wouldn’t have any friends and neither would they. Besides, high school was almost half a lifetime ago. He probably doesn’t care, and neither should you. If you like spending time with the hot fireman daddy, then go for it. This isn’t a very big town, and if you hesitate, one of the four other gay men is going to swoop in and scoop him up.”

  Alan laughed outright. “So you’ve made a census, have you? And there are four of us.” Sometimes he loved to tease her.

  “Sure. You, Tyler… and there have to be two more somewhere in this town. I know about Geoff and Eli, they’ve been a couple for years, and a number of the guys who work for them are gay. I always wondered why you didn’t make friends with them. At least you might have met someone before now.”

  Alan scoffed. “And my father and mother would have had two fits and a hemorrhage over that idea.” Not that it mattered now.

  “We’re getting off track here. First you need to change your clothes to something much more date-like. Even if you have to help carry in the sofa, there’s no need to look like… that. And for goodness’ sake, open whatever shirt you’re wearing a little more. Show the man a glimpse of the merchandise. You’ve got the right equipment and really good proportions. Just show it off a little. I can stay here if you want to run and change. I have friends who are interested in the dining room set up front, and they’ll be in pretty soon.” She actually cracked her knuckles, which was a little weird. “They’ll be putty in my hands.”

  “If you’re sure.” Alan wasn’t getting anything done as it was and might as well get out of here.

  “Of course I am. Get a shower, put on some cologne, dress up a little….”

  Alan shook his head. “Marcie, I’m going to deliver furniture and have dinner. This isn’t a seduction.”

  “Please….” She rolled her eyes halfway to the ceiling. “It’s always a seduction, and that man is just begging to be swept off his feet. So grab your broom and go at it.” She took her mug and headed toward the front door as a couple came inside.

  “Sometimes I wonder why I hired you,” Alan retorted, because he had nothing else to say. She probably would have flipped him off if there hadn’t been customers in the store. Instead, she made shooing motions, and Alan went back to his work, deciding that as soon as he got this awful task done, he’d leave.

  ALAN STOOD in front of his closet an hour later, pawing through the clothes that hung there, wondering exactly what he was going to do. Marcie would say that his closet was as boring as watching a dog scratch fleas, and she’d be right. He dug to the back of the closet, hoping there was something that might still fit him. Alan still had a lot of the clothes he’d worn in high school because he never threw things out. He figured he might be able to wear them again at some point. He slid a hanger to the side, exposing a pair of light gray slacks he hadn’t seen in years. Alan pulled them out, tossed the pants onto the bed, and stripped off his jeans. He slipped on the pants and, miracle of miracles, they fit.

  Alan found a polo shirt that his sister had gotten him for Christmas, adding that to the ensemble. It was patterned in greens to white and seemed summery. None of the items were too heavy, so he wasn’t going to roast. He pulled off the clean clothes, laid them on the bed, and then stripped the rest of the way to take a shower.

  His skin tingled under the warm water, and he stopped his hands as they traveled down his belly. He was here to wash, not take the time for release. That was not on the agenda, even if his body thrummed with excitement. He cooled down the water, sending a chill running through him, and he quickened his sho
wer and got out. Alan dried off, hurried to the bedroom, dressed, and put on a splash of cologne. Then he checked the time and grabbed his wallet and phone, heading for the door. He’d driven the truck home with him, so all he needed to do was drive to Tyler’s and help unload the truck.

  Thankfully nothing took very long to get to in their small town. Alan pulled up in front of Tyler’s house, and the door opened. A naked Abey ran out the door and down the walk. He spied Alan, turned around, and raced back to the door. “Papa!”

  Tyler hurried out and grabbed his son to whisk him inside. “Some days he doesn’t want to wear clothes.” He waited, and once inside, Alan closed the door as Tyler took Abey down the hall. “I swear I had the front door locked. Have a seat. We’ll be out in a minute.” Tyler disappeared, and Alan sat down in one of the chairs.

  Two pictures graced the walls of the living room, both of them in store-bought frames and obviously Abey’s work. They were brightly colored, mostly scribbles, but Tyler had framed them and hung them to fill a small section of wall.

  Tyler’s rich voice drifted down the hall. “There we are. You say hello to Mr. Alan, and then we’ll start dinner. And you can help.”

  Abey ran into the room, waved, and then hurried toward the kitchen. “Make grapes,” Abey pronounced.

  Alan joined Tyler in the kitchen, where a bowl of green grapes sat at the table with an empty one next to it.

  “Yes. Make grapes.” Tyler lifted Abey into the chair, and he started taking the grapes off the stems and putting them in the other bowl. “It’s his favorite thing,” Tyler said as he filled a pot. “I have some beer or wine if you’d like. I thought I would make carbonara. After the time I spent in Italy, I have it down. I use a little cream along with the egg and bacon. It adds to the richness and makes it a little less eggy.”

  Alan’s stomach rumbled. “That sounds awesome.”

  Tyler got the pot with water on the stove and had all his ingredients set out toward the back of the counter, everything just so. “When he’s done, we can bring in the sofa, and then I’ll make dinner. This isn’t going to take long once I get the pasta water on to boil.” Tyler stood next to Abey. “Will you promise me you’ll stay right here?”