Heart Untouched Read online

  “It’s the timing. It’s off just a little bit. Not enough to really affect performance, but just enough that you’re hearing it.” Duncan sat back, wishing he could do more as Todd leaned over the side of the car to get a little deeper into the engine. “How are your training plans coming for the upcoming season?”

  “Pretty decent. I’m supposed to go to Lake Placid in November. They arranged for me to train there a few weeks early on. I’m hoping that will help me with some of the issues I’m having with my timing. I think if I can get those down, I might be able to actually shave a few seconds off my times.” He grunted and stood back up. “That ought to do it.” Todd started the car up again, and the old engine purred like a kitten. He checked that everything else seemed okay before shutting off the engine and lowering the hood.

  “You done?” Brent called, and Todd waved to him. One of the guys backed the car out of the bay while Todd cleaned his tools and put everything away where it belonged.

  “What are you going to do now?”

  “I don’t know what the hell I can do,” Duncan answered with more venom than he intended. “I spent my life doing what you’re going to be doing. I worked for years and finally made the national team, only to have the whole thing blow up in my face.” He clutched the arm of his chair. “It was what I always wanted and what I’d planned to do. Now I don’t know shit and I’m trying to get used to being in this damned chair.” He banged the arm. “My mom feels like she has to take care of me all the time.”

  “Yeah.” Todd slid the drawer of the tool cabinet closed. “I got that impression from you.”

  “The thing is, I need help with some things, but I can do most stuff for myself. Mom never goes anywhere, except church and the grocery store, and she calls me eight times while she’s gone, like I’m going to tip my chair over and end up lying on the floor until she gets back. I need to figure out a way to build a life of my own.” Duncan wanted to feel useful, be useful, again.

  “You will,” Todd told him after turning back to him. “What you have to do is give yourself some time. Everything got turned upside down by the accident, and you need to give yourself a chance to figure some shit out.” Another car was brought into the bay, this one being pushed by a couple of the guys. Todd sighed, and as soon as they stopped, he popped the hood and got to work. “What other things do you want to do besides fly down tubes of ice and snow at breakneck speed?”

  Duncan tried to come up with an answer, but failed.

  “What were your plans for that college degree of yours?”

  Todd bent farther into the engine, his butt and legs visible. Granted, it was a handsome butt, with Todd’s work pants pulled tight over it. Duncan knew he shouldn’t be looking at his friend’s backside. Who he found attractive—or not, for that matter—was irrelevant. No one was going to look at him twice in the chair. Still, his gaze kept returning to the view in front of him, and heat spread to his groin. Not that anything there perked up or took notice. Things hadn’t been working down south lately… and that was another source of anxiety and, quite frankly, shame.

  The doctors told him that things could improve for him as his injuries continued to heal. He had gotten some feeling back in his legs. When he touched them, it felt like they were miles away, but he could feel something. That had come back over time, so maybe his dick would too. That wasn’t as important to anyone but him. But if he could get a stiffy once again, he could feel a little more like himself… at least in some way.

  “What is it?” Todd asked, and Duncan suddenly realized he’d sunk into himself and his emotions and fears had gotten the better of him again. To his horror, Todd grabbed a tissue from the box at the back of the bench. “Whatever is bothering you… it’s okay. This may look like a garage, but it’s also a safe place for everyone.” Todd handed him the tissue and squeezed his shoulder once again, his hand lingering for longer than was necessary.

  “That seems strange,” Duncan commented. “Garages are usually temples of testosterone and bluster. At least that’s my experience.”

  “We have our testosterone gods here. If you saw Trevor, you’d understand.” Todd grinned. “The first time I met him, I thought someone had given life to my fantasy man. The guy is hot as hell. But he only has eyes for James. Not that I was ever that interested… I guess.” Sometimes Todd could get a conversation off track faster than a world-class luge run.

  “You were saying about the safe place…?” Duncan said, trying to steer the conversation back to topic.

  “Oh yeah,” Todd said, his voice muffled as he talked while still working on the car. “Could you hand me the small ratchet set? It’s in the second drawer.”

  Duncan got it for him and placed it in Todd’s waiting hand.

  Todd set it on the pad he’d thrown over the fender and found the one he wanted. “Trevor is pretty adamant that he won’t accept any sort of harassment from any of his employees or customers. He’s told people to their face that they need to take their cars elsewhere.” He grunted and humphed before the ratchet clicked regularly, and he set the bolt he’d loosened on the pan. “I really like working here, and I wish I could do it full-time, but with training half the year and then competitions and tryouts, I end up gone too much.”

  “So you work here when you can?”

  “Yeah. Trevor is really good like that. I get my insurance through the USOC, so I don’t need that, but you know how it is.” Todd stood up straight, his deep blue eyes as hard as granite. “They don’t help us for shit with anything else. The big-name glamour sports get support, but not the guys like you and me.” He put his head back under the hood. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that, but it frosts my ass.”

  “You could get sponsorships,” Duncan offered, his mind whirling.

  Todd continued working. “Yeah, but how do you make it pay? You can’t put individual sponsorship logos on any of the uniforms—that’s against the USOC rules. I even thought of offering to get a tattoo, but that’s against the rules too. They decide just about everything and who all the sponsors are and get all the damn money, and a pittance makes it down to us.” He grunted again.

  “What can I do to help?”

  “Try to start this mother….” He cleared his throat and pulled his head from the hood. “See if it will turn over now.”

  Duncan wheeled himself around, opened the door, and positioned himself so he could lean into the car. He turned the key, and the engine rolled over, finally catching after five seconds. It sounded rough as hell, but it was running again, which was probably some sort of miracle.

  “Awesome. Shut it down,” Todd called, and Duncan switched it off. The engine ran on for a few seconds before stopping. Obviously there was quite a bit more to do.

  “Todd, you got it running?” A tall man—who had to be Trevor—came over. Duncan recognized him from Todd’s descriptions. “That’s great. Mrs. Claremont is going to be so pleased.” He patted Todd on the back and came over to Duncan, who was getting himself comfortable in his chair again. “You must be Duncan. It’s good to meet you. I’m Trevor.” He held out his hand, and Duncan shook it. “Todd tells me that you might be able to help me with some marketing and promotion.” He smiled what was undoubtedly a million-watt smile.

  “I can certainly try,” Duncan said, glancing at Todd. “What sort of things do you have in mind?”

  “Go on and talk to Trevor. I’m going to continue working on this old girl here.” Todd nodded to emphasize his point, and Duncan followed Trevor around the cars and into the office area.

  Trevor moved a chair to make room for Duncan, then sat down at a desk crowded with papers and reports. “We have a website, but I’d like to make it more than informational. We have more work than we can handle at the moment, and the phone rings all the time with people trying to make appointments and find out the status of their work. The company has six garages. This one is overwhelmed half the time, and I have two others that are busy but could take on more work. I’d
like for people to be able to schedule their appointments online and have the site suggest an alternative location if their first choice is unavailable. If they schedule online, then I’d like to be able to have the system send a text or an email when their car is ready, complete with a copy of the invoice so they know how much to expect before they come in.”

  “Okay. That’s quite a bit, but I think I know some developers who can help you with the technical pieces, and I could design the graphics and overall site layout. Have you thought of merchandising? Maybe we come up with an amazing new logo, something colorful and fresh, that we could put on pens, key rings, and things. Give them out to customers. If they’re attractive, then you have people out there acting as walking billboards. That could be cost-effective.”

  Trevor nodded and then smiled. “That’s a cool idea.”

  “There are companies who will print them very reasonably, depending on the number you order.” Duncan wished he’d brought a notebook, and looked around for something. Trevor handed him one from the desk. He jotted down some notes.

  “I also was thinking of running some advertising on local TV. I have a friend who can produce the spots for me, but I need a concept.”

  The inspiration that hit Duncan nearly knocked him out of his chair. “Okay. Got an idea.” His back tingled. “Everyone has the owner standing in front of the business, yapping at the customer or doing something crazy to get their attention. What do you think of finding a spokesperson, someone who will be the face of your promotion? We come up with a schtick that’s memorable and play it up.”

  “But not me?” Trevor asked, a little confused.

  “Unless you want to do it. But I was thinking of your own Olympic athlete.” Duncan looked out the window at Todd, who stood looking down into the engine, concentrating, his gaze focused. Then he lifted his head and their eyes met for a second, and the intensity sucked the air out of the room. Duncan lost his train of thought for a few moments and had to try to remember what he’d been talking about. “Todd does well in front of the camera. We could do something about him trying to slide into one of the bays to have his skeleton worked on during the summer… or something. It would be unique, and that’s what’s effective.”

  Trevor didn’t smile and just stared out the window for a few seconds. Duncan was afraid he might have gone too far.

  “That could be awesome,” Trevor finally said, and Duncan found he could breathe again. “I like that idea. And Todd works here, so people who see the ad could actually have him work on their car.”

  Duncan nodded. “And it would give Todd some exposure and name recognition, at least here in town.” He finished writing his notes. “If you’re okay with it, I’ll see what I can come up with as far as a plan. I think you should start with the simplest and least expensive. See what works and build on it. The website would probably have the most impact, but it could be expensive.”

  “You come up with some ideas, and I’ll take a look at the budget.” Trevor checked the clock. “I have an appointment in a few minutes, but what do you think about meeting next week to touch base and go over your ideas, costs, etcetera?” Trevor smiled as Duncan nodded and backed his chair away from the desk. “Don’t forget to keep track of your hours. I love your ideas and intend to pay you for your time and effort.”

  Duncan left the office, half slumping in the chair as soon as he was back out on the floor, and wheeled himself over to Todd. “I think I just got myself a job… or a client—not sure what to call it, but he hired me.” Duncan could barely believe it. “How late do you work?”

  “My shift ends at five, and then I need to go to the gym to work out for a while. I’m off on Saturday. Maybe you and I could do something?” The intensity in Todd’s gaze had returned, and Duncan found himself nodding and wondering if he was reading things correctly.

  “Duncan,” his mother called as she entered the garage, carefully wandering over to where he and Todd were talking. She greeted Todd, who wiped his hands and then looked down at the grease still clinging to them. He smiled at her slightly awkward expression.

  “Hi,” Todd said, lowering his hand.

  Duncan chuckled to himself. In the end it was best they both decided shaking hands wasn’t a good idea, he reckoned.

  “I’ll call you, and we’ll get together Saturday afternoon.” Todd walked out to the car with them, and Duncan got himself in the seat. Todd loaded the chair in the back and then thanked Duncan’s mother for bringing him by. “I’ve missed him.” Todd stepped back and waited for their car to pull away.

  Duncan waved until Todd was out of sight, then sat with his eyes closed, answering his mother’s banal, expected questions until they got home.

  “What’s Saturday?” his mother asked as they pulled into the drive. “We have plans to go to Aunt Sylvia’s for the day. She wanted to see how we are doing and invited us for lunch. She and I thought we’d make a day of it.”

  “If she’s so concerned about how we’re doing, why doesn’t she come here to see us?” He pushed open the door and wished he could get the hell out and go right inside.

  “What does that mean?”

  Duncan rolled his eyes and pretended he didn’t hear the question. “Can you get my chair?”

  “What did you mean?” his mother pressed.

  “I mean that Aunt Sylvia lives in that humungous house, and she has us over, but only for tea or something, and only ever in that one room off the kitchen. She never comes here, and when we go over, she talks about those inane people she’s friends with as though you know them, except we’ve never actually met any of them. Then she tells us all about her new… whatever it is she’s bought. Last time it was her nose.” Duncan giggled to release the frustration that had been building and put his hand over his mouth. “Which she definitely overpaid for, judging by the work.”

  His mother glared at him, and Duncan grew quiet once again. “We need to visit her.”

  “No. You can visit her. I can stay home. Tell her that I didn’t feel up to coming, and then the two of you can talk all you want.” His mother would be angry if he said that he’d rather have a root canal or have his leg bent behind his neck than spend another afternoon with his dad’s sister. She had never been particularly nice to either of them and only had them over out of a sense of duty. His mother had to know that.

  “I….”

  “Just get my chair, Mom. I don’t want to go, and just because I can’t walk anymore doesn’t mean I’m not capable of making my own choices.” Duncan closed his eyes and wished again he could have his own place. For some reason, in his mother’s eyes, he had regressed to being twelve years old. Yeah, he needed some help, but he hadn’t given up his right to make his own decisions about his life.

  She got out and removed his chair. Duncan transferred himself to it and wheeled up the ramp to open the inner door. He stopped in the kitchen to put his computer on his lap and then continued down to his bedroom, where he wheeled himself up to the desk that he used to do his homework at when he was in school, and got to work.

  THAT NIGHT, Duncan’s mind should have been on promotions and designs for websites, but it wasn’t. He even tried to bring it back there more than once, but no matter what, it wandered to Todd. Not that it did him any good at all. Thoughts of Todd, especially the sexy and naked kind of thoughts that sprang in his mind unbidden and largely unwanted, were useless at best.

  Duncan grabbed his pillow, turned it over, and flopped his head back down for the eighth time in half an hour. Damn it all, Todd was a friend, and he knew the quickest way to end a close friendship was to sleep with the guy or start dating him.

  “Sweetheart, are you okay?” His mother cracked open the door, light forming a slice on the wall.

  “I’m fine, Mom.” He slowly rolled over, facing away from the door. “It’s just hard to get comfortable. I’ll be okay.” He closed his eyes and willed his mind to shut the hell up and stop torturing him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”


  She closed the door, and for a few seconds, Duncan let himself imagine what a life with Todd would be like. Todd slipping his wheelchair into the back of the car, and the two of them taking off to winter sports competitions. It would be wonderful.

  Until Todd climbed to the top of the run while Duncan sat at the clubhouse, watching Todd’s ride on television, or waited at the bottom in his chair for Todd to roll out of the run. Then Todd would join him and help him get back to the clubhouse.

  It was painstakingly clear that anyone who got involved with Duncan would end up leading a life of service.

  Fuck it all. Duncan knew that wasn’t true, but he was being whiny, even in his head, and he wanted more than anything to be self-sufficient.

  Okay, that was a lie. What he really wanted was to have his life back the way it had been. Then maybe he could allow something to happen between him and Todd. That is, if Todd was interested. Sure, he’d been pretty touchy-feely, and the look he’d given Duncan… that had gotten Duncan’s heart racing, but all that didn’t really mean anything. Duncan probably imagined things and his mind filled in the blanks. He was broken, and there was no way he was going to ever be able to have a relationship with anyone—not with things being the way they were. He might as well get his head around that and fucking move the hell on.

  Chapter 2

  WHY WAS he so nervous?

  Todd Hamilton paced his small room, the thump, thump of the bass reaching through the floorboards and right under the closed door. There were times when he wished he could afford to live on his own. But if he lived alone, then there would be no one to share the rent, and he wouldn’t be able to train at all. So for now it was roommates and stereos that shook the floor, plenty of people who didn’t know when it was time to shut the hell up, and endless discussions on how utterly unfair the whole situation was.