Heart Unheard Read online

  “Did they get you counseling?” Scott asked.

  “God, yes,” Brent answered. “I saw shrinks and doctors for years. They were useless. One tried to get me to talk about my dad and tell him what sort of tension there was between us, like my dad and I hated each other. I called him a quack, and when they made me see him again and he asked the same stupid questions, I kicked him in the shin and I never went back. I wish I’d gotten him in the nuts.” The others tittered, and Brent figured they thought he was kidding. “I was a scared, messed-up kid. I’d seen my dad killed in front of me, and all this ass could think to do was get me to talk about the issues I had with him. Mom took me to others, and they all tried to help me, but nothing worked but time, I guess.”

  Scott shook his head. “I don’t think that helped you much.”

  Brent gasped and looked at the others, who all nodded slowly. “What the hell? I dealt with it and was able to move on. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” His words looked even harsher when he saw them on the tablet screen.

  “Because you have this idea in your head that you’re a coward. You’re carrying so much guilt with you. And you did nothing wrong.” Scott held his hands. “Did you ever talk to your mom about all this?”

  “Why?” Brent shook his head. “My mom lost her husband. For a long time, she was just trying to get through the day, the same as me. I always felt like I let her down because she lost Dad too.” His stomach lurched, and he hoped to hell he wasn’t going to throw up. “There’s nothing I can do about any of this. The past is the past. Everyone has told me that. I’ve tried to be the best person I can, and I’ve been there for my mom.” He was so happy to see her getting out again. He drank some more water. “I’ve told you guys my biggest secret and—”

  Trevor stood and leaned over him. “Dude. I can’t begin to think about what you went through and how all that affected you as a kid. But you’re an adult now, and you can be whoever you want.” He pulled Brent to his feet and hugged him hard. “You’ve been my best friend for a long time, and I’m torn between hugging the hell out of you and smacking you around for not telling me. I’ll hug you right now, but the smacking around may come later.” Trevor hugged him closer.

  “Thanks.” Brent smiled to himself.

  “But you better listen to me,” Trevor added in his boss voice. “This whole ‘I’m a coward’ thing you have going on is a bunch of crap. I’ve never thought that, and neither has anyone else. Dean doesn’t think that either. It’s all in your head.” He stepped back, and James took his place, the slighter man hugging him surprisingly tightly.

  “We can rarely control the way others think, but we definitely control what we say to ourselves.” James hugged him again before backing away. Trevor put his arms around James’s waist, holding him tenderly.

  “He’s right,” Trevor added.

  “This whole coward story you’ve got going on is a load of shit, and you need to write a different one for inside your head.” Scott glared at him, crossing his arms over his chest. Dang, he really meant business.

  Be that as it may, it was so much easier for others to tell him to change, but he knew he was right. The past couldn’t be changed—he’d done what he’d done and nothing was going to make it go away.

  “Do you guys want a snack or something?” It was too early in the day for a beer, but Brent wanted one badly. Hell, he had a case in the pantry—maybe he should put it in the refrigerator so he could drink it later and forget this entire conversation. Brent knew his friends meant well, but nothing was going to change… not really.

  Brent got to his feet and went to the kitchen. He hunted up some cheese, crackers, and salami, putting it on a plate. He also got some sodas and juice and then brought everything to the coffee table, hoping it was okay.

  “You know this attempt at changing the subject isn’t going to work,” James said.

  “Damn, and I thought I could distract all of you with cheese.”

  “Okay, you can distract me. I love cheese.” James reached for the plate while Trevor whispered directions so James would know what was where. Then Trevor opened a can of soda and pressed it into James’s hand. “See, it worked great, and this is really good cheese. Where did you get it?”

  Trevor rolled his eyes, and James chuckled while eating his cracker and cheese. “That’s enough of that.” He leaned forward, fixing his gaze on Brent. “You really need to get over this thing.”

  Brent sighed. He was becoming tired of all this pretty quickly. Yes, they were his friends, and he loved them all dearly, but they were getting on his nerves. He wasn’t going to be able to change the way his mind worked, and his opinion of himself, in a matter of hours.

  “Okay. I think we’ve harped on this enough. He knows what we think of him, and I hope he’ll listen to us and take it to heart.” Trevor turned to him, his eyes hard. “We are telling you the truth. This isn’t us blowing smoke up your ass because you’re our friend. Hell, if we thought you were a coward or an asshole, we’d say so, because that’s the kind of people we are.”

  James typed as he tried not to laugh. He failed, and what came across on the screen was a bunch of garbage that James had to correct. Then Scott laughed, and what the hell, Brent tried not to because he really wanted to feel pissy about this whole thing, but he laughed too. Trevor wasn’t the kind of guy to sugarcoat things, and neither was James. They were both good guys, but sometimes too truthful for their own good.

  “Thanks for that. I promise I’ll give it some thought.” Brent rolled his eyes. “Can we talk about something other than my personality flaws for a little while?”

  “But that’s so much fun,” Scott quipped as soon as James typed his question. “And it’s better than a review of my flaws, which my mother seems to find fascinating.” He scratched the top of his head. “As an example, it’s Sunday morning and I stayed out all night with my boyfriend. I’m surprised she hasn’t been messaging me about going to church with them. She never gives up, I swear.” Scott picked up his phone, then chuckled, needing to correct his statement. He did have a message from her. Scott answered it and set his phone down again.

  “How about lunch?” James suggested, after checking his talking watch, which told him in its mechanical voice that it was eleven thirty-one aaay emmm.

  Brent agreed, emotionally drained. “We’ll get changed and can go in a few minutes.” He guided Scott into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. All he wanted was a few minutes to himself. This hadn’t turned out to be the great morning he’d been hoping for. Still, he felt a little lighter. The three of them knew his deepest regret and hadn’t condemned him for it. Granted, Brent had done plenty of that on his own.

  Scott sat next to him, holding his hand.

  “I really thought you’d….” Brent stopped. He didn’t have a pad, and Scott wasn’t going to hear him anyway. But he’d really thought Scott would think less of him after he’d confessed about his dad.

  “Stop beating yourself up for something that happened so long ago. I know you’ve been carrying that a long time, but you didn’t have to. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you aren’t a coward.” Scott leaned close to him and held him tightly.

  Brent wanted to believe him, he really did. But unfortunately he’d seen nothing to alter his view.

  BRENT AND Scott joined Trevor and James for lunch at a small diner-type restaurant just a few blocks away. As they were eating, Scott handed Brent his vibrating phone.

  “Hello?”

  He was greeted with a throat clearing softly. “I’m trying to reach Scott Spearman,” a deep voice said, and instantly Brent was suspicious. “I’m Officer Graves with the Brown Deer Police Department. Can I speak with him?”

  “I’m Brent Berkheimer, his boyfriend. Scott can’t hear. He is right next to me and I can relay a message to him.” Brent’s stomach clenched with worry, and he shared a glance with Scott.

  Papers rustled in the background. “Oh. Yes. I see that. I should ha
ve looked deeper into the file. Right. The lieutenant asked me to call with an update. We were able to match the paint from Scott’s car to the one discovered at Wilson’s Body Shop.”

  “Damn…,” Brent said softly. He would have liked the person who had hit Scott to have been someone he didn’t know. “So, it was Spencer Phillips who hit Scott?” He had to ask.

  “He is the owner of the car, yes. We will be talking to him today. We wanted to tell Scott that we are getting close to an answer about what happened.”

  “Thank you.” Suddenly Brent’s worries and old issues didn’t seem too important. “I will relay what you told me.” He hung up and pulled the pad from his pocket so he could tell Scott what he’d been told.

  Scott turned pale and set down his fork. He stared blankly at the wall for a few seconds, then pushed his chair back and hurried toward the back of the diner, with Brent right behind him. By the time Brent closed the bathroom door, the sound of Scott’s heaving filled the small room. He wanted to punch the wall on Scott’s behalf. He was so angry and hurt for him that it brought tears to his eyes. “Dammit.” He wiped them with the back of his hand. Brent hated seeing Scott upset.

  Brent wet a couple of paper towels and handed them to Scott when he came out. He wished he had words of comfort, but held him instead, letting Scott shake. “It’s going to be okay.” It didn’t matter if Scott could hear him or not. Somehow Brent was going to make it so Scott was okay.

  Scott shifted a few times, wiping his face. “We should join them again. There isn’t anything more we can do right now. This is up to the police.” He sounded so reasonable, but Brent heard the distress in his tone and saw the worry in his eyes. “Maybe then this can finally be over.”

  Brent nodded and let Scott go first. They returned to the table, and Brent took a drink of water but didn’t touch the last of his stir-fry. Not that anyone could blame him for a second.

  Trevor insisted on getting the check once they were done, so Brent took Scott out to the car and started the engine to cool off the interior. He grabbed a notepad and pen, wrote, and handed it to Scott.

  Do you want me to take you home? Your mom and dad should be back from church.

  “No.” Scott turned to look out the window. “I need to go somewhere I can think.” He turned back to Brent, his eyes welling. “Can you take me to the waterwheel?”

  Brent nodded and drove to the park. He led Scott through the woods and along the path to the little stream. Brent sat on the log bench as Scott paced back and forth, muttering under his breath. Brent caught a few words here and there, but mostly he felt the frustration washing off Scott in waves. Eventually the muttering died away and the pacing slowed until Scott sat next to him, tugging his shirt off, golden skin covered in a sheen of sweat.

  “I don’t know how someone who was my friend could do that… to anyone.” Scott’s shoulders slumped and he sighed loudly. “Do you have any idea?”

  Brent nodded. “Sometimes people suck.” He made sure Scott could see him, and the smile he got told him Scott understood what he’d said. “You’re getting good at reading lips.”

  Scott moved closer. “Just yours.”

  Brent cupped Scott’s chin and kissed him. “I hate that you’re going through this.” He repeated what he’d said slowly, and Scott nodded.

  “I hate it too. Shit, if it was a stranger, it would be easier to take.” He turned away, and they both watched the water as it sluiced over the wheel. Scott shifted to him, leaning against his shoulder, and then buried his face. “I thought he was my friend once and… I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  No, he hadn’t. Not from what Scott had told him. There were two sides to every story, but he didn’t deserve any of this. No one did.

  “Everyone at church is going to take his side. He and his family do so much for them. They’ll say I did something wrong and somehow caused the accident because I sat at the light for too long or something.”

  Brent put his arms around Scott and held him, letting him get this out.

  “I don’t suppose it matters since I’m not going there anymore.” He got comfortable next to Brent, who shifted but left his arms around him, and they watched the water for a while. The breeze rustled the trees overhead, which cast changing patterns of light over the ground at their feet. He breathed deeply, hoping to calm Scott and help him feel better, somehow. Brent wasn’t sure if what he was doing was helping, but he had to try. Sometimes the hardest things in life were dealing with the things one had no control over at all.

  Brent kissed the top of Scott’s head. “I love you,” he whispered. Brent’s heart hurt when Scott’s hurt, and his heart leaped when Scott smiled. He thought of Scott first thing in the morning, and Scott was his final thought before he went to bed.

  “Brent…. We can go when you’re ready.”

  Brent wasn’t sure where to take him. He didn’t want to just go back to the apartment, so he made sure his mom was home. They walked hand in hand back to the car, and he drove to his mom’s, knowing she’d have something decadent to eat. Nothing helped heal whatever ailed him like one of his mother’s pies.

  HIS MOTHER was awesome, fussing over Scott just the way Brent knew she would.

  “Would you like another piece of pie?” his mother asked, pointing to the half-empty tin, already moving to slice it.

  “No, thank you. It was delicious, but two slices is my limit.” Scott smiled broadly enough that the lines reached his eyes, and she patted his hand before lifting the pot of coffee. Brent swore they were both going to float out of the kitchen if they drank any more.

  “I’m so happy you came by. I was hoping to meet you.” His mom spoke a little loudly, and Brent smiled. She was doing her best. Brent passed her a pad, and she wrote before handing the note across the table. You come by any time. I love a man with a good appetite. She leaned back and turned to Brent. “I love seeing you happy.”

  “I like being happy and thank you… for being you.” He leaned close, kissing her cheek. “I love you.” She kissed his cheek in return and did the same to Scott. They both stood and Brent took the dishes to the sink before hugging his mother. Her brand of care was just what they’d needed.

  Then Brent took Scott home, and they explained to his parents what they’d been told by the police. After giving Scott a kiss goodbye, Brent went to his apartment and spent the rest of the evening wishing he’d asked Scott to come back with him. He missed his companionship. Without Scott, his place felt empty and too damn quiet. Scott filled Brent’s apartment and his life with sound and life.

  Brent didn’t sleep well at all, worried about Scott and wondering if he was okay. So in the morning, he went into the garage early and got busy. By the time the guys began arriving, Brent had most of the week-ending paperwork done and faxed over to the accountant’s office.

  Lee’s mom brought him into work, and Scott pulled in a few minutes later using his mother’s car. He and Lee got right to work. Brent checked the appointments and handed out the jobs until everyone was busy.

  Then, with little to do, he sat in his office, watching Scott as he bent over the hood of a car, his work jumpsuit pulling tight. God, Brent had never thought of those things as sexy, but dammit, they were on Scott. “Shit.” He turned away, forcing his mind back on the job, because he was not supposed to perv on his boyfriend when they were working.

  “How are things going?” Trevor asked as he opened the door and strode into the office.

  “Great. Our appointment book is full, and I have some guys coming in at five to work a few hours this evening. Darryl is going to come in to supervise them. But it’s the only way we can stay current with the appointments.”

  Trevor grinned and opened the roll of paper he’d been carrying. “I’ve been thinking of adding another service bay. This one is specifically for oil changes and tire rotations. That way we can free up the guys for other work. We’ve recovered from Alan’s theft of a few years ago and it’s time to reinvest in the business.
I have the land to add another bay, but that’s all the room there is.”

  “The guys on second are part-timers who need some extra money. A couple of them worked at Sears for years, and with hours being cut back there, the guys need some extra cash. I bet they’d be willing to work full-time once we have the space for them.”

  “Good. I can put these plans in motion, but it’s going to take a while.”

  “We’ll make the most of what we have.” Brent looked out the window when he heard yelling, then jumped to his feet. One of the men from church stood toe to toe with Lee, who was right in front of Scott. Brent raced out.

  “You going to hit a blind guy? How is that going to look to all your friends?” Lee’s jaw was set and he looked as ferocious as a tiger. “About as smart as yelling at a deaf man.”

  “What’s going on?” Brent bellowed, and the stranger turned toward him. He remembered this guy from the gyro restaurant and church.

  “Marshall came to talk to me, I think.” Scott was paler than he had been after the cops called.

  “I’m calling the police,” Brent said as he turned toward the office.

  “Get away,” Marshall yelled, pushing Lee aside hard enough that he tumbled to the floor. Marshall grabbed Scott in a choke hold. Scott gasped, and the garage went completely quiet, all eyes shifting to where Marshall held Scott.